sábado, 20 de diciembre de 2008

Renacer...

20 años viviendo solo, rodeado de gente, pero desarrollando mi vida en soledad, con miedo a confiar en la gente, con miedo a cometer errores, siempre fui perfeccionista, me gusta hacer las cosas bien y evitar equivocarme, o por evitar que otros se equivocaran, trabajaba solo...

Hubo veces que logré confiar en alguien, que logré romper la dura cáscara que me envolvía y dejar entrar a alguien, lamentablemente traicionaba esa confianza y me hacía dudar de confiar en la gente, me hacía sentir que sólo tenía gente cerca porque buscaban algún beneficio de mí.

Por 20 años me relacioné con el mundo pero no dejé al mundo entrar en mí, me mantenía aislado, encerrado en un submundo donde reinaba la lógica sin dar paso a emociones ni sentimientos, pensando intelectualmente y no emocionalmente, como dice John Nash "doble ración de cerebro y media de corazón", todo esto me hacía ser un ente frío, duro, poco sensible. Puede haber servido algunas veces, para cumplir con responsabilidades, el exigirme a mi mismo, etc. pero qué pasó con mi interacción hacia el mundo, seguía siendo nula, el mundo seguía viendome como un ser infranqueable, difícil de llegar.

Sin darme cuenta, dañé a personas que nunca quice dañar, perdí a otras que nunca quice perder, sin darme cuenta fui quedándome solo y la lógica no explicaba lo que pasaba, claro, las emociones no tienen base lógica, son un fluir de sentimientos.

Quizás un poco tarde, pero me di cuenta de lo mal que me hacía el ser así, y más aún, lo mal que le hacía a la gente que me rodea (gente de verdad). Este año conocí gente hermosa, hicieron que me diera cuenta que el hombre es un ser de sentimientos más que de lógica, es bueno mezclarlas, pero todo extremo es malo... Ahora he intentado remediar algunos de esos errores, volvió gente que creí perdida, poco a poco aprendo a mostrarme más y mostrar lo que siento... Ahora un renacer, aprender del pasado para vivir un presente y construir un futuro.

Sólo me queda decir Gracias, a toda esa gente linda que produjo este cambio... Niños y niñas de la clínica, funcionarios de la clínica, Mi Coni que quiero tanto... Mi Amiga Sanndy y su mamá, mi familia... y mucha gente que se me viene a la mente, pero no terminaría de nombrarlos, GRACIAS.

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Muy lindo...
Como bien sabemos ambos, los extremos son malos (aunque los 2 conocimos extremos diferentes).
Todo está en el equilibrio, que es lo más difícil...
Te quiero
Cuidate mucho
Cualquier cosa, ya sabes que aquí estoy.

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Aveces sin querer nos cerramos demasiado... lo entiendo.
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